Sheep Jokes

Sheep Jokes

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How do Sheep carry their wool?
In a baaaag.
  


Did you hear they found a new use for sheep in West Virginia?
Wool.  


 
How do you make a sheep sound like a cheerleader?
Put a bomb under her and light the fuse...
she'll go ssssssss, BOOM, baaaaaaaaa!



  A flock of sheep are grazing in a field, happily going "baa baa" to
eachother and discussing life as usual when suddenly they hear a "moo
mooooooooooooooooooo!"
  They look around and see only sheep. They carry on grazing as before.
  "Moooooo  mooooooooooo  mmmoo!"
  One sheep can hear it all too clearly next to him.  He shuffles away a
little from his friend, a worried look on his face and then asks "George,
why are you mooing.  You're a sheep.  Sheep go baa!"
  His friend replys gladly, "I know, I thought I would learn a foreign
language!"



  One day Joe is in a hurry to get home.  While driving down the highway 
he spots a man fucking a sheep in his front yard. The man is in too much 
of a hurry to think much of it.
  The next day Joe drives by this mans house again.  He is surprised when 
he sees the same thing once again, but he keeps on driving.
  The third day Joe sees this incredible sight again.  This time he stopped
the car, got out and walked up to the front door of the house.  After a
few minutes of knocking, a little boy answers the door.
  Joe says to the boy "Little boy, did you know there is a man fucking a
sheep in your front yard?"
  "Yes," the little boy says, "That's my Daaaaaaad."



  Bill and Dale built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture. One 
day a shepherd, leading his flock, decided to take a shortcut across 
the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't 
cross it.
  Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side. 
  "Look at that," remarked Bill to Dale. "That guy is trying to pull 
the wool over our ice!"



  These two shepherds are leaning on their crooks at the end of a 
long day. The first one says to the second, "So, how's it going?"
  The second one sighs and shakes his head, "Not good. I can't pay
my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me and my
wife is leaving me."
  The first shepherd replies, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."



  Early one morning a sheepherder was moving his flock from one 
pasture to another when something frightened the animals. They 
bolted onto the road, and nothing the shepherd did could bring 
them under control. He was worried because soon the morning 
traffic would be upon them. 
  As he became more and more frantic, a truck rounded the bend. 
It stopped suddenly in front of the running sheep and a suitcase 
fell out of the back. The shepherd stared in amazement as his 
flock stopped running and walked slowly across the road. 
  As the driver of the truck got out to retrieve his suitcase 
the shepherd said that that was the most amazing thing he'd 
ever seen.
  The driver replied, "I've always been told I had a case that 
would stop a flock."


 
  A few years ago a group of tree-huggers was presenting an 
alternative to the ranchers for controlling the coyote population.
  It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried and 
true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the
tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they poposed was 
for the animals to be captured alive, then castrate the males, 
then let them loose again, and then the population would be 
controlled.
  Well, all the ranchers thought about this amazing idea.
  Finally, an old boy in the back stood up, kicked his hat back 
and said, "Son, I don't think you understand the problem. These 
coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep, they're eating them!!"



What would you call a ladies man in Scotland?
A shepherd.



Where do you get virgin wool??
from ugly sheep



Why do people fuck sheep?
For the shear pleasure of it.



How can you tell if a New Zealander has been raiding your fridge?
There are love bites on the leg of lamb



How can you tell if you are in a New Zealand newsagency?
There are sealed clear plastic covers on the Livestock magazines



  When British troop returned home after the war in Argentina, 
the Malvinas Islands, soldiers disembarked first followed by a 
Scottish bagpiper leading a line of sheep.  A bystander asked 
what are the sheep doing there.
  A Brit answered, "They are war brides."



How do you know when you are close to the Scottish border?
When you hop out to take a leak, all the sheep back up to the fence.



Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile off.



What do you call an Irishman who has 1,500 girlfriends?
A shepherd!



What is the most popular Elvis Presley song in New Zealand?
'I Can't Help Falling in Love With Ewe'.



How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
Very satisfying!



  A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live 
with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them 
to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing 
he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not 
commit adultery or fornication!!
  One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white 
child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk 
with the  missionary.
  "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman 
gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever 
set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has 
been going on!"
  The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What 
you have here is a natural occurance - what is called an albino. Look 
to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them 
is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
  The chief pauses for a moment then says "Tell you what, you don't say 
anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the white child"



Sorry for those baaaaaa-d jokes.  I know I'll be LAMBasted because ewe 
want mutton of it. Just remember the Ontario Sheep Farmer's slogan...
'Our Sheep Are Outstanding In Their Field'






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