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What do you get when you cross an unemployed hen
with Ellen Degeneres?
A couple of chicks that don't do dick.
Number one thing not to say to your mother on Mother's day.
Funny you should mention that 'Ellen' episode, there is
something I have been meaning to tell you.
Q: What's the difference between Will Rogers and Ellen
Degeneres?
A: Will Rogers never met a man he DIDN'T like.
I'm waiting for the elevator in a Hollywood office building.
The elevator doors open and there stands Ellen and a beautiful
woman.
I ask, "Going down?"
Ellen replies, "No, we were just talking."
Q.> What did Ellen Degeneres say to Kathy Lee Gifford?
A.> Can I be "Frank" with you?
Now that the sitcoms of Brett Butler and Ellen DeGeneres have
both been cancelled by ABC, the two stars are going to team up
on a new sitcom. The name of the show...Grace Under Ellen!
Q.> Did you hear about the Ellen Degeneres' Christmas Special?
A.> She was planning to do a few Carols...
The Top 15 Surprises on the Special Episode of "Ellen"
15> Episode pre-empted in Birmingham, Alabama, for weekly showing
of Deliverance.
14> Ellen's not gay at all! He's just a lonely guy who wanted to
get in the sack with Laura Dern.
13> Unable to "fight biology," Ellen quits the book store to become
a gym teacher.
12> In surprise ending, Laura Dern is devoured by jealous female
Tyrannosaurus Rex.
11> Ralph Reed guests as a recruiter from The Citadel.
10> "Coming up next... a *VERY* special "Blossom."
9> Ellen makes an impassioned plea for recognizing homosexuals as
normal people, then, to prove her point, she goes berserk and
Uzi's a Wendy's.
8> Ellen's not only a lesbian -- she's also the Lesbian Club
president.
7> The name of the show is changed to "Hot Girl-Girl Action!"
6> Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson get into a fistfight over who
gets to throw the first stone.
5> Special cameo appearance by Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
4> Daisy Duck admits to a shocked Michael Eisner that she's never
REALLY been attracted to Donald.
3> OMIGOD! Ellen's GAY?!?!? Why hasn't this been in the news??
2> New, openly gay Ellen can *STILL* date Michael Jackson.
1> Entire episode sponsored by Duracell and Snap-On Tools.
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