John Denver Jokes

John Denver Jokes



 1.John Denver's new song?  
   Thank god I'm a country buoy  
   Or...Thank God I'm a Sea Buoy  
   

  2.Have you heard about John Denver's newest hit?  
    "Pacific Ocean Bottom"  
   

  3.What forced John Denver to veer off course and spin 
    into the bay?  
    Rocky Mountain High!  
   

  4.Best Not do Yer Flyin' Boy..  
    (To the tune of "Thank God I'm A Country Boy")  
    A sensitive tribute composed on the death of 
    the muzak king, John Denver.  

    (v1)  
    Well I'd heard of Buddy Holly,  
    And of Otis Redding too,  
    And I'd heard of Lynard Skynard,  
    What's a country boy to do?  
    And I thought somethin' was fishy  
      'Bout that airplane that I flew,  
      Best not do yer flyin' boy.  

    (CHORUS)  
    Well I got me a plane,  
    Though I talked of conservation.  
    Takin' some 'ol "Country Roads"  
    Would've helped my reputation,  
    Now I've spread my body parts  
    'Cross the west coast of the nation,  
    Best not do your flyin' boy.  

    (v2)  
    Well I started my career out  
    Playin' guitar on a stump,  
    And I talked a lot like Grandpa Jones,  
    But lived like Donald Trump.  
    Now nothin's "fillin' up my senses,"  
    Can't identify the lumps.  
    Best not do yer' flyin' boy.  

    (CHORUS)  
    Well I got me a plane,  
    Though I talked of conservation.  
    Takin' some 'ol "Country Roads"  
    Would've helped my reputation,  
    Now I've spread my body parts  
    'Cross the west coast of the nation,  
    Best not do your flyin' boy.  
   

  5.What were John Denver's last words before leaving home?  
    "I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be 
    back again?"  
   
   
  6.I'm bleeding on a jet plane  
    Don't know if I will breath again  
   

  7.What is John Denver's latest hit?  
    Leavin' on a jet stream  
   
   
  8.All my bags aren't packed, but i've got to go.  
    Just got the plane, I bought it used.  
    It's really just to bad that I'm not boozed.  

    But the wings are breakin... it's on the brink.  
    Just like my career... if you really think.  
    But if I come back... I'll skip Monterey and the Drink!!!!  
   

  9.John Denver wrote Leaving on a jet plane 25 years ago ...  
    His dream finally came true ...  
    Oh God!!!  
   

 10.John Denver's last words:  
    "Oh GOD ... Book III"  
   

 11.God is making a new comedy called "Oh God Damn" He already 
    has George Burns and John Denver from the original movie 
    and has added Red Skelton with a cameo by Princess Diana. 
    He may have James Michener write a novel on it.  
   

 12.At the pearly gates;  
    Denver: "What happened. Where am I"  
    St Peter: " That'll teach you for making crappy movies about 
    the boss."  
   

 13.Here's my new lyrics for "Annies Song", rechristened 
    "Somethings Wrong!?!"  

    You fill up my cockpit  
    With salty blue water  
    Just when my wings cracked  
    And I fell in the sea!  
    I lost all my limbs then  
    They fell off on contact  
    You needed my fingerprints  
    To identify me!  


 14.Elton John has a new Tribute song:  
    Dingle in the Wing?  
    Or...  
    ... Tangle in the Wing  
    ... Mangled in the Wing  
    ... Like a Brick in the Wind  
    ... Cessna In A Spin  
   

 15.Good-bye Johnny D  
    You fly just like you sing  
    It's a shitty thing  
    Your Rocky Mountain High  

    Well I would have liked not to have known you  
    But I was just a kid  
    The seventies ended long before  
    John Denver ever did.  

    So much for George Burns  
    Who never seemed to learn  
    That you can't act  
    Although you thought you could  

    Flying through the sky  
    With your Rocky Mountain High  
    It's no wonder that  
    Your plane made a big splat into the deep blue sea.  

    Well I would have liked not to have known you  
    But I was just a kid.  
    The seventies burned out long before  
    John Denver ever did.  

      Thanks Elton!  
   

 16.At least John Denver wasn't drinking and driving his 
    car this time.  
   

 17.Why did John Denver crash his plane?  
    Because the French Police finally found the battered 
    Fiat under his Paris appartment.  
   

 18.Have you heard what caused the crash?  
    "There were these four paparazzi in hang-gliders, you see..."  
   

 19.Looks like John Denver has another hit.  
   

 20.That John Denver was a plane down to earth kinda guy.  
   

 21.Why did John Denver crash?  
    He wanted a smash hit in the 90's  
   

 22.What was John Denver's last big hit??  
    The pacific ocean!  
   

 23.How does John Denver like his drinks?  
    On the rocks.  
   

 24.What key does John Denver sing in?  
    Sea-flat  
   

 25.What was John Denver smoking?  
    Sea weed  
   

 26.What was John Denver's favorite TV show?  
    WINGS  
   

 27.What was John Denver's favorit season?  
    Fall  
   

 28.What were the two design flaws that plagued 
    John Denver's experimental plane?  
    It wouldn't fly and it wouldn't float  
   

 29.I understand that John Denver was about to be 
    named the offical spokesman for a beverage company?  
    I guess Ocean Spray will have to look elsewhere now.  
   

 30.It was a shame about AP's typo in yesterday's headlines.  
    It should have read "John Denver feared alive".  
   

 31.John Denver is changing his name to John Boulder  
   

 32.What does DENVER stand for?  
    Died Evaluating New ValuJet Experimental Rock  
   

 33.What airline was about to hire John Denver?  
    ValuJet.  
   

 34.What happened to John Denver's career in the end?  
    Took a nose dive.  
   

 35.What is John Denver going to be for Halloween?  
    Bug food.  
   

 36.What was John Denver's last movie?  
    Waterworld.  
   

 37.What is John Denver doing right now?  
    Decomposing.  
   

 38.Denver died of AIDS.  
    Aircraft is Descending Swiftly.  
   

 39.What movie will they make of John Denver?  
    Splash.  
   

 40.What TV show will be about John Denver?  
    The Fall Guy  
    Or...Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea  
   

 41.John Denver didn't take a bath before his 
    flight, but he did wash up on shore.  
   

 42.John Denver's last words:  
    hum, I wonder what this lever is for??  
   

 43.Here are the hits from John Denver's new 
    album, released post humorously.  

    From the "Best of John Denver Alive (Not)" album.  

    Thank God I'm a Country Bouy  
    Leaving On A Prop Plane  
    Fiberglass on my Shoulder  
    Windshearsong  
    Fishlife Concert  
    Back Broke Again  
    Cantland Express  
    I Don't Want to Live  
    One Waterworld  
    Poems, Prayers, and Props  
    Sunshine On My Window Makes Me Nosedive  
   

 44.How did John Denver learn how to fly a plane?  
    Crash course  
   

 45.John Denver had an expired license.  
    Guess he is grounded permanently now.  
   

 46.What is it that George Burns had that John Denver 
    wished he had?  
    A good stroke and playing God.  
   

 47.What was the last thing through John Denver's mind 
    before the crash?  
    The prop.  
   

 48.Did you hear about the new John Denver doll for Christmas?  
    It sings until you drop it.  
   

 49.Where did John Denver spend his end-of-summer vacation?  
    All over Monterey Bay  
   

 50.Why didn't the FAA grant John Denver a license?  
    He set a bad example of someone falling to pieces when 
    he was high.  
   

 51.What did one paparazzi say to the other as John Denver 
    took off in his plane?  
    Try to stall him.  
   

 52.John Denver's plane, the Long-EZ, is now called So Long-EZ.  
   

 53.Actually, John Denver, rumored to be somewhat of a 
    naturalist and opponent of unnecessary use of chemicals, 
    was trying to demonstrate to the State of Colorado an 
    alternative method of execution very shortly before the 
    state had its first one after a 30-year hiatus: 
    Lethal Ejection.  
   

 54.What's the new Olympic Dive Called  
    The John Denver  
  

 55.The new underwater diving suit range is now called  
    The John Denver Splash & Dive Outfit  
   

 56.John Denver got his last D.W.I.  
    Drowned While Intoxicated  
   

 57.What did John Denver say to his daughter before take-off?  
    "Remember to feed the dogs, and I'll feed the fish."  
   

 58.Why is it a tragedy the John Denver died?  
    Because he didn't have Barry Manilow with him.  
   

 59.What did the coroner discover when they pulled him 
    from the water?  
    He had crabs.  
   

 60.What's the difference between John Denver and a pig?  
    A pig has a better chance of flying.  
   

 61.Why is flying with John Denver like Janet Reno giving head?  
    Don't look down.  
   

 62.What's the last book John Denver read?  
    Amelia Earhart's flight manual.  
   

 63.Nike is coming out with a new pair of shoes.  
    It's called the Air Denver. You will be able 
    to slam dunk into the ocean just like John.  
   

 64.What will John Denver be for Halloween ?  
    Shark shit  
   

 65.Did you hear that they found alcohol was 
    related in the crash of John Denver's plane.  
    When they got to the crash sight they found J.D. 
    on the rocks.  
   

  66.Actual songs recorded by John Denver:  

    Leaving on a Jet Plane  
    Goodbye, Again  
    I Want to Live  
    Today Is the First Day of the Rest of My Life  
    (Take me when I'm gone to) Forest Lawn  
    I Guess He'd Rather Be In Colorado  
    She Won't Let Me Fly Away  
    We Don't Live Here No More  
    Fly Away  
    Wings That Fly Us Home  
    Whalebones and Crosses  
    Flying for Me  
    The Harder They Fall  
    Gone Fishin'  
    How Can I Leave You Again?  
    I Can't Escape  
   

 67.Last words heard on the radio beore John Denver's 
    plane went down:  
    Sunshine in my eyes can make me blind.  
   

 68.How did they identify john denver's body  
    He had sunshine on his shoulders  
   

 69.Did you hear that Denver was so full of booze, 
    that when he hit the water his body burned 
    out of control for two hours.  
   

 70.John Denver got some oil on his hands as he 
    pre-flighted his aircraft but he decided to
    wait and wash up onshore.  
   

 71."So smile for me, and say you'll miss me;  
    I hope the coroner doesn't fist me....."  
   

 72.Why did John Denver fail out of Grad School?  
    Because he ended up below "C" Level  
   

 73.What was the temperature of the Pacific after 
    John Denver's plane went down?  
    One below  
   

 74.You know what the saddest in Rock 'n Roll was, don't you?  
    The day John Denver died, because they played his music 
    all day long...  
   

 75.There is a warning in the Monterey Bay to avoid the 
    chowderhead stew  
   

 76.What weighes 10 pounds and won`t be plucked at Christmas?  
    JD's guitar  
   

 77.Elton John will be performing a song at John Denver's 
    funeral as part of his "Dead Blonde" trilogy.  
   

 78.What does John Denver have in common with Rosie O'Donnell??  
    Its a catastratophe when they both go down.  
   

 79.How do you know John Denver had dandruff?  
    Because the sharks ate his Head and Shoulders!




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