Rock and Roll Jokes

Rock and Roll Jokes

  My daughter was doing a project on 70's rock groups, and she
asked  me to name 2 of them.
  "Yes!" I said.
  "Who?" she asked.
  "There you go, there's two of them" I replied.

What has 200 legs and no pubic hair?
The front row of a Hanson concert.

What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.

  Tom Fogerty has died. He wakes up and finds himself on a 
stage on which a number of instruments are set up. A door 
offstage opens and in walk Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian 
Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding, and Buddy Holly. Each 
musician picks up his favorite instrument and begins tuning
up. All of the instruments are taken but, to Tom's immense 
pleasure, the drums.
  He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what heaven 
is like."
  Jimi looks at him and says, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"
  At that moment, Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind 
the drums, and calls out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You'. One, two, 
three, four..."

  Not very topical, but it reminds of Peter Cook in the 70s hosting 
a live TV show called Revolver. The Sex Pistols were performing when
suddenly someone from the audience jumped up on stage and stuck one 
on Johnny Rotten. The director immediately switched to Peter Cook 
who was sitting there drinking tea or something.
  Then he said, without hesitation and with perfect timing, "there
you have it ladies and gentlemen, the first instance on live 
television of the fan hitting the shit".

  Driving home from church one Sunday, the father tuned the radio 
to a country and western station.
  "How can you stand that stuff?" complained his 16-year-old son.  
"It's all about lonesome cowboys, gunfights and broken hearts."
  Knowing he preferred rock 'n' roll, the dad asked, "Well, what's 
your music about?"
  "That's the beauty of it," the son said. "You just don't know!"
  A guy went to the middle of nowhere and picked up one of those
new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned 
on the radio and nothing happened.
  Furious, he demanded to see the plant manager, and told them,
"When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the *?@ radio to work."
  The plant manager explained to him that the radio had been 
programed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio 
what he wanted to hear. 
  Pretty neat stuff.
  He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old 
Willie Nelson started singing.
  "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started 
  "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like 
he was in an elevator.
  He was relaxed, driving back to his home when a female driver 
cuts him off. He controls his temper but before he knows it 
another female driver cuts him off.
  "Stupid bitches!" he screamed.
  The radio immediately blurted out, "So tell me what you want 
what you really really want... 


An 80's Love Story

  I was working part time in a five and dime.  My boss was 
Mr. Magee. He was six foot four and full of muscles and 
walked like an Egyptian, but I was happy to be stuck with 
him.  One manic Monday, while I was busy working for the 
weekend, I overheard him make a careless whisper.
 He told two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave
love a bad name. Well, I got so emotional, baby.  I told him
to say say say what he wants, but don't play games with my
affection.  He told me it was hard for him to say he's sorry
and not to worry, to be happy.  Then he blamed it on the
rain.  He was so out of touch.  It just took my breath
away.  I couldn't fight this feeling any longer.  I asked
him "What's love got to do with it?"  He told me to get
outta his store and his dreams and into my car.
  So I figured I might as well jump.  I cut footloose, went
home and called my girl, Jenny.  (You already know the
number)  She was on the other line with Amanda.  They were
talking about Mickey and how he was so fine.  That blew my
mind! Was she really going out with him? I told her that I
had just called to say I love her.  She told me she had been
saving all her love for me, but now she was looking for a
new love - asta la vista, baby.  I thought "I can't go for
that - no can do! Bring me a higher love!"  I called up some
of my old west end girls, hoping that one of them would want
to get physical all night long (all night).  First I called
Billie Jean - she told me to beat it.  I called Rosanna -
her sister Christian blessed the rains down in Africa and
then hung up on me.  Come on, Eileen! ... no answer.  Nobody
told me there'd be days like these!  I was feeling like the
owner of a lonely heart.
  Then, out of the blue, my best friend's girlfriend (she
used to be mine) Roxanne calls.  Yes, the real Roxanne.  
She told me she still hadn't found what she's looking for 
and that she wanted to take on me.  I said "I thought you 
were Jessie's girl."  She said "Don't you want me? You don't
have to put on the red light - I'm on my own." What a feeling! 
I had the eye of the tiger.  Who was I f-f-f-foolin?  Roxanne
drove me crazy like no one else. She's a beauty! She blinded
me with science, and weird science at that. There was always
something there to remind me of her and I just knew that I'd
have the time of my life.
  I wasn't about to la-di-da-di. I jumped in my little red
Corvette and rocked down to Electric Avenue. I got my mind
set on her.  When I got to her house (in the middle of her
street) I ran.  I rapped on her front door and to this
rapper's delight, i heard a voice say "Who can it be now?"
"Here I am, the one that you love", I replied.  I let my
love open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes.  
I felt like a virgin touched for the very first time. She
loosened her blouse and said "Rock me Amadeus!"  Well, I
felt it was my prerogative to bust a move.  I told her "I'll
tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like
the wolf.
  Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder.  "Turn
around bright eyes!"  said a familiar voice.  As I did,
Jessie hit me with a sledgehammer of an uppercut that spun
me right round like a record. He was hangin' tough and
continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from beneath my
wings - broken wings by this time.  He rocked me tonight,
for old time's sake, beating me from head to toe, until my
true colours were black and blue and blood was spilling from
my mouth like red, red wine. "You don't owe me money for
nothing!" he snarled.  At this point I was livin' on a
prayer.  I crawled back to my little red Corvette and drove
home thinking about how my tainted love had cut like a knife
- how it seems that every rose, truly, has its thorn.  No
longer do I want to know what love is.  Love stinks.

(And that's a lot of hidden song quotes)

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