Many Apply as White House Interns (NY TIMES)
WASHINGTON (AP) The White House gets an average of 1,500 applications
each year for the 800 to 1,000 internships it offers, officials say.
Jobs range from office assistant to researcher and don't last very long
- two to three months in the spring and fall and just four weeks in the
summer. Most of the interns are between the ages of 18 and 23 and many,
but not all, are in college. Female applicants with previous experience
in modeling or the pornographic film industry are encouraged to apply in
person.
White House Intern Employment Application
PRINT OUT THIS FORM, FILL IN ALL ANSWERS,
MAIL TO:
OVAL ORIFICE, ATTN: BUBBA
1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE
WASHINGTON, DC 20515
Greetings prospective White House interns!
This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing
America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to help the
"Head Man" do his job. We expect that 2000 will be the most exciting
one yet! Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part
of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out:
* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene
of the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
Sound like it's for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a
former intern:
"I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job answering
phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president.
Getting involved in executive branch affairs is just fantastic."
- M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif.
As you can see, being a White House intern is more than long hours,
hot debates and touchy national issues.
Still interested? Fill out this information form and send it back
to the White House at:
president@whitehouse.gov
Name: _________________
Age:
Legal: __
Under: __ (Not a disqualifying answer)
Sex: F
Oral __
Improper __ (Not a disqualifying answer)
Measurements: _________________
(required for medical purposes)
How many beers it takes to get you...
___Giggly
___Drunk
___Hot
___To lie to a federal prosecutor
Position applying for:
On top: __
Below: __
Behind: __
Other: __ (Please describe in graphic detail.)
______________________________________
______________________________________
______________________________________
Education Level:
You can't get pregnant if you do it standing up __
Oral sex is not adultery __
You're still a virgin if he pulls out early __
It's not perjury if it's a civil case __
Less than five women isn't cheating __
Typing Speed: __ words per minute.
__ words per minute using only tongue.
Distance you can suck a golf ball though a garden hose:
5 feet: __
10 feet: __
100 feet: __
Don't need garden hose: __
List other talents that you believe qualify you for
a White House position:
Above the waist:
______________________________________
Below the waist:
______________________________________
Kama Sutra:
Page number(s):
______________________________________
Do you or any of your friends own a tape recorder?
No __
Grand jury alert __
Do you keep a diary?
No __
Yes __
If yes, do you lie to it?
_________________________
How would you best describe your reasons for wanting
to work for the White House?
Serve my country __
Report what is going on to Hillary __
Join the Air Force One Mile High Club __
Previous Experience:
Hugh Hefner: __
Dallas Cowboys: __
Seventh Fleet: __
JFK: __
NBA Player __
Reason for leaving previous position?
Employer died in ecstasy __
Subpoena __
Death threat from employer's wife __
Boyfriend killed employer,
but it's OK. He's still in jail __
References:
Gennifer Flowers __
Paula Jones __
Monica Lewinsky __
Janet Reno __
Ted Kennedy __
Ken Starr __
Sam Donaldson __
Where did you hear about this job?
Personal ad __
National Enquirer __
New York Times __
Bimbo Eruption Newsletter __
Dick Morris __
James Carville __
(We are not responsible for the hundred dollars
he may have promised you or your trailer park!)
Phone number in bathroom __
Secret Witness Program __
Jumbo Jugs Magazine __
You've always considered the White House:
a)___ a monument to democracy
b)___ the place where great leaders meet
c)___ vaguely erotic
d)___ extremely erotic
Hillary Clinton is a(n):
a)___ model wife and mother
b)___ icon of late 20th century femininity
c)___ an obstacle
d)___ inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world.
You've always wanted to know more about the President's:
a)___ Israeli policies
b)___ childhood in Hope, Ark.
c)___ romper room
d)___ "monument to democracy"
My social life as an intern would likely consist of:
a)___ hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns
b)___ reading, study
c)___ late nights working at the White House
d)___ late nights working the White House
Uncle Sam wants you.
* Please feel free to forward this form to anyone you know who might
be interested in this program.
The White House is an equal opportunity employer.
============================================================
Employer use only:
Slick Wille | Little Wille | 1st Bitch
Loser __ | Loose lips __ | Bill __
OK __ | Deep Throat __ | Janet __
Oval Office __ | Zip Lock __ | Files __
Willie Room __ | Presidential Seal __ | My Place __
Signs Your White House Internship Is Going Well
The President lets you ride on "Air Force One", if you know what I mean.
Boss not only implements "Casual Fridays" but also "Topless Tuesdays."
You've just leapfrogged Al Gore in the line of succession.
"Oooh, yeah, baby -- I'll make you a White House Secretary...Assistant
Chief of Staff... ohhh... Ambassador to Sweden!...Supreme Court Justice!
Supreme Court Justice!!!"
The President has the Secret Service detail your '91 Taurus.
Buddy no longer wastes time sniffing both your crotch and the President's.
After your first "meeting" with "The Boss," you move up 2 tax brackets.
As if national publicity, a $1M movie deal, and $10M in Democratic hush
money wasn't enough, the Paula Jones Foundation for Homely Women has
donated $20K to you for a full makeover.
You get to sit on Gore's lap during the State of the Union Address.
You know the White House like you know the back of the President's head.
Your per diem is bigger than Peru's GNP and your only duty is
to keep silent.
The first lady invites you on a private ski weekend.
The Vice President isn't the only "stiffie" you've seen in the White House.
Performance review rated you a "10" in the category "Ability to turn-on
the president with your hillbilly good looks."
Al Gore's pulse jumps up to 3 when you pass by.
It ain't Keats, but for Bubba, "Shall I compare thee to a Big Mac"
is pretty damn romantic.
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