One of the interesting things to learn about going to the
south has been trying to understand the conversation which
goes on around you. I have developed a whole new appreciation
for language and culture.
Witness: The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is
about to cash in with the "Gummit" by labelling Black slang
as a language, "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of
that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by
designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language
to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would
be a Hickophone.
Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics-English dictionary:
A:
ABODE: a piece of wood, as "Han me a bode to put on the fire."
AID: noun. what a hen lays
AINTS: noun, insect. He's got aints in his paints
ALL: noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope
my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
ARN: Ma's tard of arnin
ARTERY: The study of painting
AUTO: (should) - "I auto go to work, but ahm tared."
AX: (question) - "Ah ax you this."
B:
BACTERIA: The back door of the cafeteria
BAG: He bagged her to marry him
BAHS: noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop
reading these Southern words and git back to work,
your bahs is gonna far you!"
BALKS: (a square thaing) - like a "match balks"
BAMMER: noun. The state just west of Jawjuh. Capital is
Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through
Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
BARD: verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
BARE: noun. An acloholic beverage made of barley, hops,
and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
BARIUM: What the doctors do when patients die
BARN: (hatched) - "I was barn in nineteen forty and three."
BIT: A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon
seed across the porch longways."
BOB WAR: noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay
away from that bob war fence.
BOWEL: A letter like A, E, I, O, or U
BRAID: (lot braid) - what you eat when u'ins outta biscuits.
BRESH: He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
BUB: the light bub burned out
BYTE: First word in a kiss-off phrase.
C:
CAESARIAN SECTION: A neighborhood in Rome
CAD: (to tote) - "I cad ma bride over the threshold."
CAT SCAN: Looking for Fluffy
CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with her
CHEER: (whut you sit on) - Pull up a cheer and set down.
CHINY: country over in Asia
CHUCH DUDS: Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
CLUM: he sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon
COLIC: A sheep dog
CORE: He got hisself a new Ford core
CRICK: a small stream
CURSOR: What some guys do when they are mad at their wife
and/or girlfriend.
CYOW: Animal on Farm
D:
D & C: Where Washington is
DAINZ: Satidy night social
DEPPITY: He helps out the shurf
DID: (not alive) - as "He's did."
DIGITAL CONTROL: What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
DRIBBED: He dribbed milk on his shirt
E:
EAR: noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless your'e in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"
ELLUM: A graceful tree
ENEMA: Not a friend
F:
FAINCE: Whats round the hawg lot
FANGER: what you put your rang on
FAR: A burnin' pile of sticks.
FARN: adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand
a wurd he sed...must be from some farn country."
FAT: noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in
battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n'
ah'm gonna whup y'all."
FLAR: a rose is a purdy flar
FLOPPY: When you run out of Polygrip.
FRASH: them aigs ain't frash
FUSSED: Whut comes before second?
FURINERS: All non-'bamans
FURRED: He got furred from his job
G:
GENITAL: Not a Jew
G.I. SERIES: A soldiers' ball game
GRAIN: She was grain with envy
GULL: A young female human.
GULLY WORSHER: a medium heavy rain
GUMMIT: Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit
boys shore are ignert."
H:
HAIL: where bad folks go
HANGNAIL: A coat hook
HARD: got a brend new hard hand
HARD DRIVE: Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat
tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
HAZE: a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ...
haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
HEAVEN: (having) - A'm heaven some folks in foah dinnah.
HEAVY DEW: phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew
me a favor? Go bah me that Linnerd Skinnerd tape"
HEIDI: noun. Greeting.
HEP: Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver
spoon in his mouth.
HERN: It aint hern, it's his'n
HILLBILLY: People in the next county
HIRE YEW: Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."
HOD: adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
HOLLAR: whats between the hills
HOT: noun. A blood-pumping organ.
I:
ICE COOL: A school for younguns befoe college.
IGNERT: adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
IMPOTENT: Distinguished, well known
J:
JAWJUH: noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is
Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my
pickup truck."
JEW HERE: Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that
my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob
war fence cump'ny?"
K:
KEYBOARD - Place to hang your truck keys.
L:
LABOR PAIN: Getting hurt at work
LAIG: Most folks have two of them
LAN: To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
LATHER: what you climb up
LAYMAN: a sour fruit
LIBERRY: where you go to check out books for larnin
LOT (undark) - "Jeannie with the lot-brown haar."
M:
MAILK: what you get from cyows
MEDICAL STAFF: A doctor's cane
MERE: what you see your self in
MINNERS: Live bait
MISRUS: Married Woman
MODEM: how you got rid of your dandelions.
MUNTS: noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother
from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't
herd from him in munts."
N:
NAR: Opposite of wide
NAYK: Your head sets on it
NETWORK: Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
NITRATES: Cheaper than day rates
NODE: Was aware of
NUP: NO
O:
ORREL: Them hinges need orrel
ORMY: What the sojers go in
OUTPATIENT: A person who fainted
P:
PACKET: What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
PAINTS: what cha put on your laigs of a mornin
PANK: a light red color
PAP SMEAR: A fatherhood test
PARCH: sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow
PELVIS: Elvis' nickname
PETITION: What separate the rooms
PIN: Whut you keep hawgs in....a hawg pin.
POKE: a paper bag or sack
POKEY: what the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in
POP: a soft drink
PUPPET: what the preacher is in
PURDY: She is purdy as a pitcher
PURT NEAR: almost; he purt near caught that greased pig
R:
RAH CHEER: I was born rah cheer in town
RAINCH: A big cow farm
RANCH: noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage:
"I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup
truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
RANG: you wear it on your fanger
RAT CHEER: (not there)....(Here) - Like "Lay it rat cheer."
RAT: Do it rat now!
RATS: noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We
Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
REBOOT: What you do when the first pair gets covered with
barnyard stuff.
RECOVERY ROOM: A place to do re-upholstery
RECTUM: Dang near killed `em
RETARD: Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard
at age 65."
ROM: Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
ROONT: She plum roont her shoes
RUT: that there tree sure has long ruts
S:
SALARY: A stringy vegetable
SEED: verb, past tense of see.
SEIZURE: A Roman emperor
SHAR: A light rain
SHURF: The Shurf put Clem in jail
SKEERED: that plumb skeered me to death
SOARDEENS: small canned fish
SPRANG: Water out'n the ground
SQUARSH: noun. A vegetable (also verb - to flatten). Usage:
"Warsh that squarsh...you don't know where its been!
STORCH: this here aprn has to much storch in it
STOW: A place that sells stuff.
T:
TABLET: A small table
TAR: noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that
brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."
TARRED: adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from
Lanner and boy my arms are tarred."
TERMINAL ILLNESS: Getting sick at the airport
THANK: verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah
thank ah'll have a bare."
THO: tho me the ball
THOAT: I shore got a sore thoat
THUD: what comes after second?
TIN-SIN-STOW: (5 & 10) "Let's go to the tin-sin-stow."
TIRE: noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and
the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
TUMOR: A total of at least three
U:
URINE: Opposite of you're out
V:
VIEW: contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never
seed New York City... view?"
W:
WAR: a bobbed war faince
WARSH: verb. To clean.
WARTER: what you worsh your face in
WORSH: go worsh your face
Y:
Y'ALL: noun. A degree of rotation. Usage: "There are three
degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y'all."
YURP: a continent overseas
THE UNITED STATES:
Taixas - Texas
Ole Missipi - Mississippi
Alabamr - Alabama
Jawjaw -Georgia
Flawda - Florida
South Calinah -South Carolina
Nawth Calinah - North Carolina
Virginny - Virginnia
Caintuck - Kentucky
New Yawk - New York
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