Electricity Jokes

Electricity Jokes



  One night, when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad 
decided to seek out a cute coil to let him discharge.  He 
picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride on his Megacycle.
They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge, around the Sine Waves,
and stopped in the Magnetic Field by a flowing current.  
Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's characteristic curves, 
soon had her fully charged and excited her resistance to a 
minimum.  He laid her on the ground potential, raised her 
frequency, and lowered her reluctance.  He pulled out his 
high voltage probe and inserted it in her socket, connecting
them in parallel and began short circuiting her resistance 
shunt. Fully excited, Milli-Amp mumbled "OHM-OHM-OHM". With 
his tube operating at maximum and her field vibrating with 
his current flow, her shunt overheated, and Micro-Farad was 
rapidly discharged and drained of every electron.  They fluxed 
all night trying various connections and sockets until his 
magnet had a soft core and had lost all it's field strength. 
Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her 
solenoids.  And with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad 
was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the 
night reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.



Bad Electrical Puns
 
You one of those guys that does it till it hertz?

Ohm my God, that was bad. Watt made you tell that joke?

Those are all painfully old.  Don't you know any *current* puns?

Plug in your most re-volt-ing puns here...

Any more of these and they'll have to charge me with assault and 
battery.

My resistance to post further in this thread has been overcome by 
my capacitance to reason clearly.

Then wire we continuing?

I can think of amp'le reasons.

That's it, I'm off ohm...

Maybe you should stay off the lecture circuit.

I'm late getting in on this...you had an un farad vantage.

Can't you people conductor serious conversation?

I think you guys should pull the plug on this thread.

On second thoughts, that would be a volt-face...

Awww shux, and I was getting all amped up on this current thread!

I don't want to be negative, but I'm a little con-fused with all
this, I hope no one will socket to me and ground me for it....

These jokes should be in Alt.ernating

I'm shocked that you said that, you could use some en-lightning

Where the circuit breaker for this re-volt-ing thread?

We should all have more resistance.

Perhaps if we switched to another topic.

I just thought I'd zap in and relay my disgust at these puns.

The amount of contributions to this thread is AMPle 

My sister would enjoy these. I'll contact her and relay them.

I was considering adding to this but I expect too much RESISTANCE.

Yeah, we've just lost the spark in this thread.

Can some repost the whole thread?  Some of the articles have been
OHMitted.

 

42 ways to get electric power from hamsters

 1. Stick copper and zinc electrode-needles in opposite ends of hamster.
    Use in series for higher voltage. -gwh

 2. Shove them back and forth in Richard Gere's butt. Creates static
    electricity.

 3. Go to Radio Shack and offer them the hamster in exchange for two AAA
    batteries.

 4. Attach the hamster to a hand-crank generator and then drop it onto a
    trampoline.

 5. Ignite in large numbers. Use heat released to drive steam turbine.

 6. Kidnap and threaten to torture. Extort ransom from animal-rights
    activists and other anti-cruelty types: demand payment in the form
    of electric current.

 7. Drop hamsters from great heights. Use water-mill like turbine to
    generate electricity.

 8. Drop large numbers of hamsters into tar pit, wait a few million
    years, drill for crude oil at same location to run electric
    turbine.

 9. Cold Fusion -> Steam Turbine.  No explanation necessary.  

10. Any form of neutron capture / beta emission.  

11. Convince hamsters they're really lemmings. Show cliff to hamsters.
    Install turbine halfway down cliff.

12. Densely pack hamsters into flywheel shape. Spin rapidly. Attach
    generator.

13. Put hamster on electricity-generating treadmill. Feed back small
    portion of generated electricity into hamster brain pleasure
    center. Watch him generate his little heart out!

14. Seal large quantity of hamsters in air tight holding tanks.  Add
    water.  Allow suitable time to pass for decomposition.  Collect
    methane gas resulting.  Put gas in fuel cells.

15. Smush mucho hamsters in a trough, use the drippings/blood to run a
    waterwheel for hydroelectric power.

16. Give hamsters lots of shitty beer. Use piss and vomit to run
    hydroelectric generator.

17. Skin hamster. Melt animal fat into tallow and then form candles.
    Heat steam turbine.

18. Switch hamsters for P6 chips coming of Intel assembly lines.
    Saved electricity will be enormous.   Cover performance loss by
    releasing new version of Windows NT at the same time.  

19. Build glass room.  Put hamsters inside.  Put cocaine inside.
    Ground the floor and attach negative leads to the ceiling. -gwh

20. Have hamster steal one of kube's magic cards.  Leech power from
    resulting nuclear strike.

21. Teach hamsters to play blackjack.  Once they're at the competitive
    level, convince Las Vegas hotel owners to convert to serving
    hamsters. Saved electricity from smaller lights, hotels, etc. -gwh

22. Accumulate enough hamsters that the self-gravitational force causes
    the mass to shrink and heat up.  Use thermocouples to generate
    energy.  -gwh

23. Raid PG&E corporate headquarters.  Threaten to drop hamster down
    CEO's pants unless he gives you a power plant. -gwh

24. Get several dozen hamsters.  Shoot them up with crystal meth.
    Attach dog sled.

25. (This is, undoubtedly, the way to get the most power from them)
    Combine the hamster with an equal mass of antimatter -- a
    anti-hamster if you will.  Then harness the massive energy release
    for power....

26. Have the Emperor warp and twist a hamster clone into an evil
    Anti-Hamster, Darth Hamster.  This should be good for 4-6 sequels.
    Install tension to electricity converters into theatre. -gwh

27. a. Find a _good_ genetic engineer.
    b. Splice appropriate genes from electric eels into hamsters,
       because they're smaller and cuter and, well, hamsters.
    c. Feed the hamsters.
    d. Surgically install appropriate electrodes.
    e. Periodically drain off the voltage.
    Unfortunately, this only gets you DC current.

P.S. How could I have been so blind? Splice in genes from blue-green
algae as well, and you wouldn't even have to feed the hamsters! (Well,
maybe some phosphorous and iron and stuff)

28. Mail the electric company a dead hamster every day until they give
    you power for free.

29. Crossbreed hamster with Mothra and use resulting giant mutant
    lightning-breathing hamster as power source.

30. Give the hamster to Scotty, he'll find some way to yield 20% more
    power from the dilithium crystals.

31. Take thousands of hamsters into orbit -- when the orbit decays, they
    will heat up the atmosphere. With enough hamsters, you could raise
    the planets temperature as much as you want.

32. Pull the hamster out of root@soda's ass. Then when they turn red &
    embarrassed, use the heat from their red face to drive a Carnot
    engine

33. Emmass enormous quantities of hamsters until it reaches enough mass
    to begin hamsterfusion in the core.  Use solar cells to convert
    radiation to electricity.  - seano

34. Throw in more hamsters to 33 (above) until the hamsterstar goes
    supernova... you couldn't want any more energy than that...

35. Repeat 34 with another mass of hamsters... spin the resulting
    neutron-hamsters around each other in a binary orbit... use gravity
    waves to rotate hydro-turbine.

36. Take five or six hits of acid.  Tell yourself very firmly that
    hamsters _are_ electricity.  (Well, they've got lots of electrons in
    them, yes?) Acquire hamsters however you choose; "operationally",
    you've now got electricity.
    (I say "five or six hits", because I find that things which were
    perfectly clear to me after _one_ hit, e.g., that the word "Krups"
    is actually an make onomatopeiac piece of German slang for an
    unprintable Viennese practice, make absolutely no sense afterwards;
    and Leary used to take five hits or so. QED.)

37. Give them little magnetic collars, and run them through a maze of
    coiled wires.

38. Reduce hamster to their component atoms.  Compress the resulting
    plasma until it fuses.  Transfer the released energy via heat/engine
    or energy conversion scheme of your choice. -ERic

39. Take two hamsters, run one through a Klein bottle to convert it to
    anti-matter.  Combine the first hamster with the anti-hamster.
    Harness the resultant massive burst of energy as per #38 above.
    -ERic

40. Drop hamster into black hole.  Use photovoltaics to release the
    radiated energy. -Eric

41. It is a well-known result of quantum field theory that all fields
    are symmetric under the combined action of time-reversal,
    charge-conjugation and parity-inversion operators: the familiar TCP
    symmetry.  It is trivial to show that time reversal and charge
    conjugation both take fermions into their anti-particles.  Use this
    to show that plucking hamsters from mirrors will produce beaucoup
    electromagnetic radiation.
    (Hint: Do you need to pull the hamsters out of the mirror
    _going_backwards_in_time_?)
    Ref: J. J. Sakurai, _Adv. Quan. Mech._

42. Put female hamster scent on glass rod.  Release male hamster.  He
    will try to rub his furry coat against glass rod.  Drawback:  only
    creates static electricity.






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